Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Good so far
It's been 2 days and I haven't posted. So there are a couple good things about my friend. She is getting the help she needs to pull through this depression and to help make her better with this sickness that no one knows what it is.I also did a lot of research and what was REALLY going on, which makes me real mad at her boyfriend, but according through the grapevine, they are no more. YAY! Also on sunday i was supposed to go to sixflags with my boyfriend and it got canceled. I thought this was going to be another disappointment and a lie that the trip was never happening. BUT Pat made it up by taking me to Honey bee and dropped THE biggest OMG bomb ever! Ever since me and him broke up 3 years ago his mom has been so against us and hated me. Well we have been hiding it from her until just lastweek. Sunday she saw him sitting outside and threw his keys at him and said "GO get your girl, and have fun" We were in shock the entire day. I still feel like its a dream.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Devestating truth
This is my very first blog and I would love every one's input. So this will be a little rough but I think once I get the hang of it, it will be OK.
OK so everyone knows I have the best-est friend in the entire world, and I have known her for 18 years. Well she has been sick for maybe a year or 2 and not a single doctor knows what is wrong with her. So they keep shoving medication "thinking" it will work but it seems it helps some but then it stops. Well last night I got the devastating news that she was talking suicidal and that she is in a place where they can help her find herself again and make her better, even with her sickness. (No i will not post her name until she says it's OK) Anyway, she said she feels like a failure and is failing everyone. I think to differ. She is the most amazing LIVING person that I know. Once I found this out and she wont allow her mom to tell me where she is I cracked. I have never cried so hard since my friend Walter passed in October. I feel like I failed her b/c here she wanted, NEEDED to talk to me and I would never call her back because I was at work or sleeping or just didn't feel like answering. So now I have this guilt laying on my chest that if me and her talked and I came to see her at her parents house this wouldn't have happened. I know a lot of people would say, her sickness isn't your fault. Her depression isn't your fault, I get that but what IF I was the stress reliever she needed? She got away from the mind controlling, manipulating person she's been with for 5 years. I know hate this person. Because of him she couldn't get better sooner, having parties all the time when she would come home from the hospital, not keeping food in the house so she basically starved. This person makes me SO ANGRY I just wanna scream. If this continued he could have killed my best friend.
I was driving home from work tonight and I was thinking if she is taken away from me and her family I will be so mad at GOD. There's a reason to take people but it's not fair when she hasn't enjoyed her life since she was 18 or 19.. My fondest memory is when she saw us move into our house, known as my dad's house now, and ran down there and saw me and we have been best friends ever since. She was my first friend and always will be. She is more then a friend, she is like family to me, my sister. I want her to get over this sickness, this depression and look at it in the face and say SCREW YOU! But I know this is the tip of the ice burg, the sun before the burn, the thunder before the lightning. I hate myself now, because I'm sitting here everyday just to see her name pop up on my cell phone, saying she's OK. I miss her. I want my best friend back. I want this demon to leave and never come back. i want it to leave so her stomach can heal, so she can finally eat and not get sick. I have nightmares of her getting so sick she suffocates on her own vomit and no one is around to hear her call for help. Even for those who aren't into GOD or w/e please, just send a thought for her. If she leaves, I will never be the same person I am now. I will be a hollow shell. A shattered person with a shattered soul. Love to everyone.
OK so everyone knows I have the best-est friend in the entire world, and I have known her for 18 years. Well she has been sick for maybe a year or 2 and not a single doctor knows what is wrong with her. So they keep shoving medication "thinking" it will work but it seems it helps some but then it stops. Well last night I got the devastating news that she was talking suicidal and that she is in a place where they can help her find herself again and make her better, even with her sickness. (No i will not post her name until she says it's OK) Anyway, she said she feels like a failure and is failing everyone. I think to differ. She is the most amazing LIVING person that I know. Once I found this out and she wont allow her mom to tell me where she is I cracked. I have never cried so hard since my friend Walter passed in October. I feel like I failed her b/c here she wanted, NEEDED to talk to me and I would never call her back because I was at work or sleeping or just didn't feel like answering. So now I have this guilt laying on my chest that if me and her talked and I came to see her at her parents house this wouldn't have happened. I know a lot of people would say, her sickness isn't your fault. Her depression isn't your fault, I get that but what IF I was the stress reliever she needed? She got away from the mind controlling, manipulating person she's been with for 5 years. I know hate this person. Because of him she couldn't get better sooner, having parties all the time when she would come home from the hospital, not keeping food in the house so she basically starved. This person makes me SO ANGRY I just wanna scream. If this continued he could have killed my best friend.
I was driving home from work tonight and I was thinking if she is taken away from me and her family I will be so mad at GOD. There's a reason to take people but it's not fair when she hasn't enjoyed her life since she was 18 or 19.. My fondest memory is when she saw us move into our house, known as my dad's house now, and ran down there and saw me and we have been best friends ever since. She was my first friend and always will be. She is more then a friend, she is like family to me, my sister. I want her to get over this sickness, this depression and look at it in the face and say SCREW YOU! But I know this is the tip of the ice burg, the sun before the burn, the thunder before the lightning. I hate myself now, because I'm sitting here everyday just to see her name pop up on my cell phone, saying she's OK. I miss her. I want my best friend back. I want this demon to leave and never come back. i want it to leave so her stomach can heal, so she can finally eat and not get sick. I have nightmares of her getting so sick she suffocates on her own vomit and no one is around to hear her call for help. Even for those who aren't into GOD or w/e please, just send a thought for her. If she leaves, I will never be the same person I am now. I will be a hollow shell. A shattered person with a shattered soul. Love to everyone.
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