Our Love

A lot of people say I am the nicest person you could ever meet, or that I'm easy to talk to, or I'm a great person. Well the thing is, I might get a long with you but you don't have to live with me. i am the biggest pain in the ass there is. I am stubborn as anything and even though I don't like to show my temper I do. I don't hit anything but my voice gets loud and I say some things I shouldn't say. Some of this stuff is said to the one person has seen me at my worst, and on my best days. Pat. Pat has been through at least 5 Christmas's, family drama, a death and even some depressing times. He has been there for me weather I liked it or not. I'd tell him to leave or that I'm leaving for good and he would stick by me. But, don't think it's all sappy and what not, it wasn't in the beginning. It was just lust the first 5 months of us getting back together. I would come over his house and we would fool around but that's it. I started falling in love and we decided that we were together when I knew his head wasn't in the relationship and because of that he was seeing 2 other girls while being with me. Nothing sexual ever happened with these two low life's. One actually married her baby daddy of 4 years and he has no idea she was fooling around with Pat...Anyway, he would come back to me. some people say he felt sorry for me or because he was getting laid and I was the only one willing enough to let him in. Well it was kind of true but then it dawned on him one day. I gave him the ultimatum that if he ever did that to me again I would disappear from his life for good. I took his face between my hands and made sure he looked at me. Me. The hurt I was feeling from all of this and he promised me he would never touch another female ever. he kept that promise. Down the road about a year or so something happened. He was so angry over nothing really. He would punch holes in walls or scream at me because I said something wrong. I was never hit but I was pinned down one time and when I shouted for my brother so at least someone would see this my mouth was covered and I reached for a water bottle and started smacking him on the face. He took that bottle and acted like he was going to hit me but he didn't. The look in his eyes was shock. He dropped it and let me go. I curled into a ball and wandered why, and what did I deserve this? He just looked at me said sorry and left. That night was a complete game changer. That's the first time I ever really saw tears in his eyes that were real and because he made a fake story. He knew it was wrong and he knew the hurt that it caused me. I lost sleep over it for a week. Finally whatever switch it was that flipped turned off. Now it seems we are like an old married couple. We can't stand each other, we get under each other's skin and drive us nuts. We love each other. No matter how much crap me or him says it's all love. I read a book earlier in the month called Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire and I have to say that is us. The whole thing except being in college and he does under ground fights, but the way they are together and not together. This quote is from the book and it says a lot. It's between the main character Abby and her roommate is telling her this is all a disaster but Abby says it's beautiful.

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Likes the quote "It wasn’t just me, and it wasn’t just him, it was what we were together that was the exception."

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“It's dangerous to need someone that much. You're trying to save him and he's hoping you can. You two are a disaster." I smiled at the ceiling. "It doesn't matter what or why it is. When it's good, Kara... it's beautiful.”

 

That right there is why I call us a Beautiful Disaster and when the companion novel came out from the main Male Character, Walking Disaster, I just fell in love more. Even though he never put his hands on the girl like where my life it happened the way ther were was just a match.

 

“I'm gonna fuck up. I'm gonna fuck up a lot, Pidge, but you have to forgive me.” 

 

“I wish you and Travis would just get your shit together! You're a goddamn tornado! When you're happy, it's love and peace and butterflies. When you're pissed, you take the whole fucking world down with you!”

 

This brings me to another thing. Eminem made Love the way you Lie and even though i always talk about the wayt he video is that's us too.

 

Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though

 

There, when a tornado meets a volcano...totally us. But forward again to us now yeha we have our fights but damn if we still go to bed together and wake up wrapped in the arms of each other. Here I didn't think he was capable of writing something so beautiful to me. I thought maybe it would be like a middle schooler wrote it. No I was wrong. This is what he wrote me.

 

Trying to explain love

 

One of the toughest things to do in this world is trying to explain to the girl you  have been dating for the last almost  four years how you feel. The best feeling in the world that I get is that every weekend I wake up with you next to me. Your face is glowing as the sun comes in a hits  it just right. I also like how we touch feet and keep it like that for hours. The best thing I love about laying next to you is when you turn on your left side and I snuggle up right next to you (spooning) sorry I just had to add that. The  reason that I say it is hard to explain how I feel about you is because I have known you for eight years. Form when u were dating mike to when I sent you that text message and you where the only one who answered me back. I love your smile and the way you can turn a bad situation into a good one. Another reason why I am so much in love with you is because ...... . The best way that I can explain how much I love you is simple I will show it and make every minute with you as special as I can. In conclusion I just wanted to say that while I am writing this I have all the good memories of us in my head and I will be honored to one day call you my wife and the mother of my kids. I love u baby

 

I cried when I read this. There was another one when I got home before I saw this one and I cried again. I love this man even though we have ups and downs; still i could walk away from him but still have my heart with him. I love you sweetie.

:-(

I just learned this morning that a really great lady lost her battle to cancer. She fought the fight that many don't seem to get passed a few months. My friend lost her mother yesterday to cancer and my heart is just sinking in feelings that words cannot describe. I called my mom this morning and all I wanted to do was hug her b/c even though my mom isn't sick she is still close to 60. I don't know what I would do without my mother. As she always tells me she never had a relationship with her mom until she was in her mid 30's close to 40's, and I think about when me and my mom never saw eye to eye when I was in middle school. Now I cherish every moment I have with her and I know to hug her tighter and tell her I love her every single day. I love you mom and I love you Heather. I know some people will throw religion in your face and you hate it and that's why I never will do that. There is a reason stuff happens and I don't know bad things happen to good people but good has to come out of this. I told you this before. I know you angry at God and we will always ask why goes he let his people suffer and many don't know the answer to that but know he still loves you and your family still loves you. Just know that your mother is looking down at you and thanking you for every day you stuck by her. You never gave up. You were strong when she was weak, you helped her walk when she couldn't. She would want you to remember her before she was sick. When she was healthy and full of life. You have to hold onto those memories and look back on everything you achieved and how far she got. She probably wouldn't have made it this far without you. Now you can move on with your life and have a happy one with someone who will take care of you now. It's your turn to live and that's how your mother is going to live through you. Live through you and all the blessed stuff that will come your way sweetie. Even though she won't be there when you have kids she will be there in spirit and I believe you will be blessed with a child that is just like her. Yes you can grieve but just know she is still with you and watching over you. She still loves you. And remember your cousin now has a companion with her. You have 2 guardian angels watching you now. Also don't forget Walter's up there too. You know your mother was welcomed before she made it up to the big sky. I love you Heather and don't let anyone tell you any different. Take that drama out of your life. Love you and love your mom. RIP Jackie, you will be missed and now I have to get back to work if not I will cry at my desk. Again love you.

My stories

So idk if you guys noticed I have a Stories page. This story popped in my head a while ago and with all the contemporary romance's I've been reading I felt the need to write something. I post these on my facebook page so I can share with someone what I can write. Well today I felt like giving up b/c the story stopped coming to me. Like I lost touch with the characters. the first 2 parts were good but this thrid one it seemed i was rambling and didn't know where to go from there. Looks like I'm gonna have to visit Ellen hopkins page and read up on what she tells writers. I guess keep writing even though what you wrote down doens't make sense, at least it's down. I ask my friends to let me know what they think and I'm ready for criticizim and I'm not getting it. I guess sleep on it this weekend and keep a note pad around me. I need a plot and the one I started out with just isn't working.

Pet Peeves!

I wish I could tag a friend of mine into this post. Her name is Tamara and I remember we talked about starting either a blog or a youtube channel to just the stuff that pisses us off. A couple of the things we would say is One, if your about to fight someone and you keep saying "I'ma hit you bitch! I will hit you!" Ok here's where we get pissed off, if your going to scream that then fucking hit the bitch! Don't stand there and not do it. you wanna fight, just fucking do it already!! Another thing that pisses us off, people who complain about their job or life. After being at both jobs for so long it gets kinda tiring. I hear "oh my god I hate my job, everyone there is stupid and blah blah blah" OK we are dealing with this person now at my full time job. He floats around to different departments and where he's at now is apparently run like a prison. NOT TRUE! Suck it up if not go home! The other thing that bugs me is when people start throwing the bible or w/e at other people. Look I am all for Gay rights and equal marriage but what I don' like is people saying "it's Adam and eve not Adam and Steve" Come on seriously? It's 2013 not the 1800's where no one believed in anything but themselves. What some people fail to understand is that we are all loved. Why have us on this earth if they are nothing but sin. People say all sin including is what god judges you by. OK first of all are these people not remember reading that god forgives all sin!! Again suck it up, the government should not have a say in who can marry who. And don't give me that bullshit that Oh so your saying if I wanna marry my mom or aunt I can? NO! I am saying if I Love my boyfriend I will marry him and if my Brother loves his boyfriend he can marry him. No incestuous or beastyality going on. GROW THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!! Also I hate constant liars and hypocrites. Don't say one thing and do the other. Like there is a guy here who wears a back brace all day long, and no just just loose and undone, no this thing looks like it's constricting him. He wears it when not even lifting anything. So one day we had a meeting and someone asked what is the proper way to wear this? The man answered don't strap it unless you are lifting something or else you will weaken your muscles by wearing it all day..but wtf is he doing? leaving it strapped on ALL DAY! Why answer the question correctly and not follow through with wearing it the right way? Now he complains his back hurts all the time. I wonder why dumbass! Another thing that bothers me, dirty cops! I'm sitting at a red light one day and notice there are 3 police cars in the turn lane across from me, so I know I will have the right of way b/c there is no green arrow. Well when the light turns green 2 out of 3 make it but when I go through the light the third cop almost cuts me off so i keep going, no lights so I have the right of way. Well he turns his lights on so i of course slow down and watch him pass me, he's not even speeding away like he got called out of no where. I stay behind him the whole way to the next light and once he catches up with his other 2 buddies, the lights turn off and that's it. So I'm thinking wait, you wanted to cut me off so you could catch up to the other cars that aren't even in pursuit. NO! They went to a freaking royal farms. Seriously? I hate Baltimore cops they are cocky assholes that think they own the road, no they don't. if your lights aren't on then yes I will pass you. I wish Tamara could join in b/c she would have more to say.