MOVING ON

What's up guys! Been about 3 weeks since I have last wrote on here and when I did it was heartbreaking. Here's an update, me and my mom, talking like nothing happened which is awesome but now the dilemma. The other part of my family that I have known since birth and have been around almost 24/7 is now out of my life. The reason why is well, no one decided to contact me that my cousin was home form Afghanistan. Now let me ask you this. If let's say you know a loved one is over there working as a contractor and is gone 6 months at a time and they came home wouldn't you want to know? Yeah well me and my mom were never told. I didn't know until he landed back overseas. I brushed it off like OK whatever, then when I saw my mother found out, that hurt. So for valentine's day Bill gave me a promise ring to show his appreciation towards me (yes it was a tearful, and joyful moment over breakfast) anyway, instead of my aunt picking up the phone she texted me saying "Congrats you're a great person yada yada yada oh btw still haven't heard from your mom." Well that right there seems like she wants to spark up a conversation about it. I'm not going to go into it but I basically said you know this involves 2 people, someone pick up the phone. She didn't like that very much. Fast forward the starting of this month and I still haven't heard anything from this part of the family that has promised to keep in touch with me and all of a sudden my Facebook is being watched by a cousin who was relying everything I was saying to said aunt and then they commented for me to take something down that I said about another cousin, who really isn't my cousin.

Stick with me I know you're probably like Oh my god Jamie, let's go! Well hold on.

So after texting my cousin and saying "Well you know what I'm just done. My facebook is mine and I can say whatever the hell I want to say on there." A lot of my friends know I treat it like a diary. I don't post anything like I see all the time like oh this is a hoax, this is fake, I hate Obama, no I post about my life and if anyone has a problem with it, it's called the delete button. Just hit it and poof that person is gone. Just like I did with those family members. I know some of you are saying "Come on really? It's not that big of a deal!" Well it is. To me. Get over it. Like I said, I can say whatever the hell I want, even on here. This is my blog. I can post what I want. It's your choice if you want to read it. No one said read it. No one said you had to click on the link. You just do or don't. Now this whole thing did hurt because I have five little cousins that I love dearly. I miss them like hell too and it was kind of sad not going to one of their birthday parties this past weekend. She didn't deserve that but I can't go over the house knowing I will be questioned and stared at. That's not something I want. So yes, I can delete people out of my life if it makes me a better person.

Well here it is a whole week or so later and I'm fine, yes I did wake up in tears on Saturday because I had a dream about one of the girls, not a bad sad dream but just showing how much I will miss. I mean I wanted these kids in my wedding when I get married. Now I won't have that. I'm not surrounded by little kids anymore and I miss it. I mean I used to babysit and change these kids diapers, now there is nothing. I took down the pictures I have of them at work because it just made me more sad whenever I would look up and seem them, or if there was a tour and a group of people would stop by and say "Oh are these your kids?" Nope they are gone. The only pictures left are of my cousin David and his dad and his baby, then pictures of my, mom, Kevin and dad, even my grandparents, Walter and Bill as a 5 year old. He was so cute!

Will this take some time? Yes. Does it and will it always hurt? Yes, but just like I told my mother on the phone. I am happy with my life right now. I'm happy with the man I have in my life making me happy. I'm thankful for his family. I might be sad but I will remember the good times that were had back then. Now I'm looking at the future. My dad going through radiation for the spot on his wrist and knowing that he will be OK and live. My brother is growing up. I cannot believe he celebrated his 22nd birthday in January. It makes me miss everything that we used to do before we both moved out. *sigh* The good times. Well that's it foe this before I start babbling about pointless stuff :-)