OK so, over the past 3 months I have noticed that there is something very wrong going on in my brain. I didn't really notice anything until the whole fiasco that happened on Christmas Eve. Well the thing is, there is stuff that seems to be getting to me, even if it's the most smallest of things. I read an article that a Facebook friend posted about understanding Anxiety in pictures. I'll post the link at the end. And it really helped me. Now some probably ask why not go to a doctor and get a prescription? Well I don't want to be medicated. I don't want to be the one that takes it and then it gets worse, doesn't go away or I'm a zombie. No. I enjoy my life. Yeah I will never know if I don't try but I don't want too. My most recent break down was Tuesday. I have a function to go to in a few months and I'm happy but the problem is I have no money to do anything. I keep thinking to myself, how am I going to pay my bills and stay out of debt if I have to buy this, and that and that over there? I mean it's frustrating. The things kept piling on and on and on. My wonderful man of a boyfriend came over to me while still at work and saw the expression on my face. He knows something's wrong just by looking at me. He asked what was wrong and I just told him that I can't afford to just live and do this and still have a life, his response was to get out of my head and don't worry about it. Well, you cannot not worry about it. I'm trying to pay my car payment and insurance, internet, 2 cell phones and buying over $150 worth of groceries every 2 weeks. I've even considered getting a third job just so I have extra money. I was even given the opinion on getting a different full time job...well you see, I need certain days off right now and if I quit now and get a new job, you can't put in any vacation time until 6 months to a year, so that option is flying out the window fast. So there's how I get pushed to the edge. After work on Tuesday I ran to my car turned on my radio and put on my sunglasses. I was a snotty mess when I pulled up at my house. Didn't help that I was alone for a good hour. I needed someone there to calm me, but then again I didn't want anyone there because I didn't want to embarrass myself.
In the link I'm going to attach, it shows how people offer help and say they will always be there, then it shows after dealing with the problem 4 or 5 times they change their mind and just say to "get over it!" I got a bit of information for you, WE CAN'T JUST GET OVER IT! The problem either needs to run its course or be fixed IF possible. Believe me I've seen it up close to where people say "yeah I'm all for helping, but if you keep bitching and complaining then I'm going to tell you to shut up and move on." I used to be one of these people until I got a dose of it. And let me tell you, it's not nice at all. It's quite selfish. Now if you're saying "Oh my god how will I live without him/her?" or "I'm worthless" and all you want is people to feel sorry for you then you my friend are a selfish piece of shit! You are making the people who really do have a problem, seem like whiners and also make people like me think they can't go to a person for help.
After I came home and curled up on the recliner and just cried until I couldn't cry anymore (also hyperventilate) I calmed down and sank into sleep. Now just because I was asleep didn't mean that my mind was done racing around and trying to figure everything out, it definitely wasn't. No. My brain still swam with worry and different scenarios of what might happen if I don't do this and that. I'm not a very heavy sleeper and when I heard the door shut I knew Bill was home, but I didn't want him to know that my feelings got the best of me, so I stayed "asleep". I heard him put his work stuff down, put his keys and wallet away and make his way to me. I could feel him staring at me. Then I felt his lips against my forehead and heard him whisper "I love you." That right there was all I needed to make my mind stop racing. Just that little gesture was all. Now don't think "well if all you needed was a kiss and an I love you, you can get that anytime of the day" Yes I can BUT when you have anxiety, you get the feeling that no one wants to help. Bill really didn't know I came home and broke down. He will now if and when he reads this. I'm going to also attach a song by Rob Thomas. I kind of like this song when it came out and I never understood it until I watched the video and read the lyrics.
"She'll be alright
Just not tonight"
My tip for everyone trying to understand someone with anxiety or panic attacks, you don't have to understand, just be there for them. Don’t judge, don't say get over it or stop whining. Just be there, be a friend, a loved one. Someone for them to look at and know they can just let go and cry or freak out but let them know they are loved. I love you all!
9 images to understanding anxiety and panic attacks
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